The Inuyasha Horror Picture Show
by Netsugaki-Sama
Summary: The cast from Inuyasha act out the zany tale of Brad and Janet's adventures in Frank's laboratory. completed
1. Dammit, Sango!

_Disclaimer: Inuyasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, and Richard O'Brien can keep The Rocky Horror Picture Show._

Submitted for your approval: a story so full of debauchery, it would make the most mature of people turn away in disgust. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, this story makes all these things look like cuddly toys and pink clouds and fluffy bunnies. What you thought about love, your theories, your beliefs, this story will shatter them into thousands of little pieces and use them to make some sort of sand garden of splintered dreams and feelings.

You are far from the Twilight Zone.

Welcome instead, to the Inuyasha Horror Picture Show!

Dramatis Personae:

Jakotsu (a scientist)

Sango (a heroine)

Miroku (a hero)

Bankotsu (a handyman)

Kikyo (a domestic)

Kagome (a groupie)

Suikotsu (a rival scientist)

Inuyasha (a creation)

Koga (ex delivery boy)

Sesshomaru (an expert)

Deep within the recesses of his study, where books and maps and other nick-knacks are strewn about, Sesshomaru is sitting at a table, a book open in the middle. A picture of a young newly-wed couple. He, a successful monk. She, a powerful demon slayer. One night, Sesshomaru recalls as he studies the picture, the two of them left to visit their friend and mentor, Dr. Suikotsu, a family doctor who lives in the outskirts of Hokkaido, Japan. He turns the page. Another picture, this time of a chapel, the couple's wedding. Miroku and Sango. Their lives were perfect: young, in love, and about to uncover a secret so drenched in lewdness, they would take its memory to the graves with them.

"Yes," Sesshomaru says out loud. "Theirs is a tale of intrigue and seduction. A tale of love, of hate, of things no man, no woman, nobody has seen, should see, or will see again. Allow me to tell you this tale, as it was told to me." He stands up, leaves the book on the desk, open to the picture of the chapel. "They were, so it was said," he continues, speaking to no one, speaking to everyone, "at a mutual friend's wedding, and the bride threw her bouquet into the group of young ladies crowding around her. They all grabbed for it, shoved each other out of the way, aside, down, up if possible. Two of them were fighting each other for it. It was bouncing from one set of fingertips to the other, never fully in reach of the whole hand. It then found its target, and made its way towards Sango. It landed in her hands. She looked down in surprise at the beautiful bunch of flowers that told who was the next to be married. She blushed, they scowled."

He is now standing at the far side of the room, his hand searching across the bookshelf, not looking for anything in particular. His finger stops at one book: Fine Dining and Quit Whining. He pulls it out and opens it. "Miroku and Sango got married a few months later," he says. "It was exactly one week later that they decided to visit their friend, the good doctor. It was exactly that night when they came across the madness." He closes the book.

His servant, the toad Jaken, is standing in the doorway, with a puzzled look on his face. "Uh, m'lord," he says, "Who are you talking to?"

"This," Sesshomaru says, raising his hand, extending his finger up, pointing at the ceiling, eyes closed, "is their story. Listen if you will to the Inuyasha Horror Picture Show."

The wedding bells were sounding. The doves had been released. The rice had been thrown. The seagulls had eaten the rice and shat all over the beautiful scenery. Who's idea was it to cook the rice in shrimp sauce, anyways? There they stood, the handsome groom and the jaw-dropping bride. A song was in their hearts, and it went a little something like this:

Miroku: _Hey Sango, I've got something to say._

_I really loved the skillful way_

_You beat up the demons in the bride's buffet!_

He picked her up and twirled her in the air. They ran down the stairs of the chapel into the cemetery. They looked into each other eyes and danced to their own tune.

Miroku: _The road says "closed" but we can go, Sango._

_The dance floor's crowded but let's tango, Sango._

_And I really want a mango, Sango._

_I've one thing to say and that's:_

_Dammit, Sango, I love you._

Sango: _Oh, I'll stick to you like crazy glue, Miroku._

_You're smart, suave and you're so cool, Miroku._

_Let's have our honeymoon in Peru, Miroku._

_I've one thing to say and that's:_

_Miroku, I'm cuckoo for you too._

They embraced, kissed, and continued their dance. Meanwhile, the guests of the wedding, the catering people, the priest, the others who had come to take part in that most sacred of ceremonies, were watching the young lovers express themselves in public.

Miroku: _You're heart is so warm that fans go, Sango,_

_Whirling 'round crazy, to and fro, Sango._

_Passion so hot, it melts the snow, Sango!_

_There's one thing to say and that's _

_Dammit, Sango, I love you._

"I love you too, Miroku," Sango said, their song finished. They walked arm-in-arm back to the chapel. "We are going to be so happy together."

"We are," Miroku said to his new wife, taking her hands in his. "We have our whole lives ahead of us now."

"But," she said, "but dear Doctor Suikotsu, the man through whom we met, does not know of our engagement."

Miroku smiled. "Then, my beloved," he said, "We shall go visit him and tell him of the good news."

"Oh, loving husband," Sango said with a sigh, "He will be so happy for us, won't he?"

"Of course, my dear."

They kissed.

"Yes," Sesshomaru says, sitting by the scrapbook with all the photos from those happier times. "The good doctor was indeed happy. But the events of their meeting were not." He is holding a long tobacco pipe. He takes a puff, and turns the page of the book. The mansion. "Wherein," he says, "they dwelt. The scientist and his horrific henchmen. Now, Miroku and Sango were to learn the truth behind it all. They would meet the scientist and his creation, and be swept away into chaos and anarchy."

"Seriously," Jaken, the servant says from the hallway. "Who are you talking to?"

"Join me next chapter," Sesshomaru says, taking another puff of his pipe. "I shall show you more of our twisted story."


	2. The Thyme Wart

"Ah," Sesshomaru says, "Good. You're back for the continuation of our sordid saga." He is standing by a chart hanging on the wall of his study. It shows pictures of foot prints with broken lines covering the whole lot. It shows a dance move. "It's just a pirouette to the left," he says, pointing to the far left side of the chart. "Then a spastic lunge to the right." He moves his hand to the second image. "With your elbows to your toes," the third picture now, "You throw your head up high." He steps away from the chart and picks one of the many books littering his desk. "But," he says emphatically, sitting down in his chair, opening the book. "But it is the pelvic thrust that makes you insane."

He reads the book.

Reads the book.

The book.

Book.

He slaps it shut. "Miroku and Sango," he says, "had just entered the dark forest. They had come to a dead end road. The tires on the car had all gone flat. They were stranded. Miroku, the valiant husband, told his dear wife that he would brave the darkness to go back to the gas station they had passed along the way. But Sango stopped him. She told him of the mansion that was closer. Surely it would have a telephone. Miroku agreed to this, and off they went." He leans forwards in his chair, his book closed in his hand. "It was a decision they would regret for the rest of their lives." He laughs evilly.

Miroku and Sango were awed by the shear magnitude of the mansion. It stretched into the sky, grasping for the stars. The front lawn seemed to go for miles in all directions. Stone statues littered the field, dark wet moss covering them. They made their way to the front door, and he knocked on it three times. It was always three times.

They waited. The wind wisped past them. An owl hooted. A bat tweeted. An elk mooed.

"I guess there's nobody home," Sango said in dismay.

Miroku sighed. "Yeah." He stared at the door, then decided to set off for the gas station. As soon as they turned away, the door opened.

Standing at the door was Bankotsu. He was a young man with an evil twinkle in his eyes. He studied the newly-wed couple standing at the doorway. "May I help you?" he asked in a condescending manner.

"Oh," Miroku said, startled. "Yes. Our car broke down farther down the road-"

Sango cut him off. "It didn't break down. We got flat tires."

"Oh," her husband said with an embarrassed and irritated smile. "Right you are, my dear. Anyways, I was wondering if you had a phone we could use."

Bankotsu stared into Miroku's eyes. Then into Sango's. He stepped aside and motioned for the two to come into the mansion. The hallway was gigantic. A black-and-white checkered floor, old paintings hanging on the walls, knights and other statues lining the walls, waiting for the order from their king to attack. "You are very fortunate," Bankotsu said as he led them through the halls. "The Master is having a special party tonight."

"Oh?" Sango said. "Is it his birthday?"

Bankotsu chuckled lightly. "No. It is the unveiling of his science project."

"Oh?" Miroku said. "Is he a scientist?"

Bankotsu chuckled lightly. "Something like that."

Suddenly, a shriek blasted its way through the hallway. One of the knights, nothing but steel armor, rose from its pedestal and swung its mighty battleaxe at the three people in the hallway. Miroku leapt in front of his dear wife, shoving her off her feet, down to the ground. The knight brought its axe up over its head with the intent to strike Miroku clear on his head. But it stopped, dead in its tracks. Laughter seeped through the steel armor. It dropped the axe and removed the helmet. Underneath was Kikyo. "Gocha!" she screamed, pointing her gloved hand at Miroku.

Miroku laughed weakly, then fainted.

"Really, dear Kikyo," Bankotsu said, shaking his finger at her, "You should not scare our guests like that."

"Psh," she scoffed. She removed the armor and threw it in a pile to the side of them. "Nobody has any sense of humour anymore." She looked down at Miroku, who was in Sango's arms. She was shaking him, slapping him, yelling at him to wake up. He came to. "I am really sorry about that," Kikyo said with an insincere smile. "Come. The Master is waiting." The four of them continued down the hall.

There was a large doorway at the end of the hallway. They stood before it for what seemed like seconds, but was actually minutes. They opened by themselves.

"Now," Sesshomaru says as he pours the warm tea from his kettle into his mug, "I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, 'what could possibly go wrong with this situation,' am I right?" He sits down in his chair, puts the mug on the table next to it. There is a plate with a scone. He takes the scone and breaks it in half, then begins to eat it. It is soft and moist, freshly baked just a few minutes ago. Jaken, his toad servant, had whipped it up especially for him. He had gone to the grocery store that morning to get some things for tonight's supper. But, as that has nothing to do with the story, let us move back to Sesshomaru.

"Bankotsu and Kikyo," he continues, "were servants to a mysterious master. Not many people new of him, or what his works involved." He sips his tea. "But, our heroes were about to find out."

Jaken is standing at the door. "Uh," he says, "You're talking to yourself again."

"Behold," Sesshomaru says, leaping to his feet. "Behold, the master's party!"

The room was immense. The ceiling stretched far up. The black-and-white checkered floor matted the ground. Dozens of people, dressed in silly costumes with funky masks and feathery hats and the like, were dancing on the floor. Electronic dance music filled the room, its rhythmic beats controlled the dancers. A song.

Bankotsu: _It's aggravating, time is wasting._

_Madams, take a poll._

_But heed my warnings._

Kikyo: _The beats grow much stronger._

_And we've lost all control._

They shoved Miroku and Sango onto the dance floor. They looked around cautiously. The beats were beating.

Bankotsu: _I remember doing the Thyme Wart._

_Drinking those moments when_

_Blackness would spit at me._

Bankotsu and Kikyo:_ And the boys would be falling._

All:_ Let's do the Thyme Wart, yeah!_

_Let's do the Thyme Wart, yeah!_

A girl standing at the far end of the room ran forward. She was wearing a tight, sparkling outfit with a really tall top hat. She was Kagome, the master's third and final servant. This is what she sang as she did her killer tap-dancing solo:

Kagome: _Well I was walking on the pier, just a-having ice-cream,_

_When a whale of a dude gave me a toothless grin._

_He shook me up, he took me by surprise._

_He had a small tugboat and a mime's eyes._

_He stared at me and I felt a change._

_Time meant everything, always would again._

By this time, Miroku and Sango had both found themselves completely consumed by the beats and rhythms and singing. They were shaking it and moving it and even grooving it, though they didn't know what "it" was, exactly.

Sesshomaru, in his study: _It's just a pirouette to the left,_

All: _Then a spastic lunge to the right._

Sesshomaru, in his study: _With your elbows to your toes,_

All: _You throw your head up high._

_But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,_

_Let's do the Thyme Wart, yeah!_

_Let's do the Thyme Wart, yeah!_

All the dancers clutched their hearts, placed the backs of their hands onto their foreheads, gagged, shook, seizured spastically, fell to the ground and all moaned in pain for several minutes. Miroku and Sango could only look in horror. But they were only pretending. It was all a show.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Kikyo called out. They all stood up and looked her way. She and Bankotsu were standing in front of elevator doors. It was coming down.

"The Master," Bankotsu said with a grin of malice, "has arrived."

The doors opened. By themselves!

"So," Sesshomaru says. "Miroku and Sango were now face-to-face with the scientist himself. But, my friends, I am afraid you will have to wait until the next chapter to see what happens next!" He is holding a tape-recorder. He pushes the button and the sound of an audience moaning with disappointment plays.


	3. The Heel Of Achilles

In his study, Sesshomaru is laying on a lawn chair, wearing comfortable Summer clothing. Dark shades on his eyes. A tropical drink at his side. He sits up, somewhat startled. "Ah," he says, his shades still on, "Good. You've come back for more. What a naughty, guilty pleasure-seeker you are." He lays back down. "As you remember from our last meeting, Miroku and Sango had just come across the mansion. They had already fell victim to Bankotsu and Kikyo's evil dance number." He sits up quickly, his drink spilling all over the floor, but he does not notice. "Then," he says solemnly, "they were introduced to the scientist himself. A Doctor Jakotsu." He glances over at his spilled drink on the floor and grimaces, but then regains his composure. He smiles. "A _mad_ scientist."

The elevator doors opened slowly. Miroku, Sango, the guests, everybody looked on in antici...

...pation.

A man wearing a long purple fur coat was standing in the elevator. His long greenish black hair was held up in a ponytail by a blue hair ornament with butterflies painted on. His face was caked in mascara. His lips were sloshed evenly with red lipstick. "Hello, all," he said with a lustful smile. He stepped out of the elevator, but stopped when his eyes fell to the newly-wed couple that should not have been there. "Ah," he said, "And who have we here?" He walked over to them.

"Uh," Miroku said, confused, "We're here to use your telephone." He smiled, a little more comfortable now, "You see, our car broke down-"

Sango cut him off. "It didn't break down. We got flat tires."

"Right, right," her husband growled. "Flat tires. Anyways, we need to call for a tow truck or something. You understand."

"I certainly do," the man in the purple fur coat said with a seductive smile. "Oh, but where are my manners?" He extended his hand to Miroku, who took it. "I am Jakotsu." He turned to Sango, took her hand in his and kissed the back of it. "I will gladly lend you a call. But, please, allow yourselves to stay for my unveiling. I have been waiting ever so long for this occasion. And you know what they say: the more, the merrier." He clapped his hands once, and Bankotsu and Kikyo immediately found themselves at their master's side. "Our guests," he said, "are rather," he paused, looked them over, "overdressed."

Bankotsu walked over to Miroku. Kikyo over to Sango. Kagome watched with a large anxious grin plastered on her face. Bankotsu, to the protest of Miroku, began removing the new husband's clothing. Kikyo did the same to the new bride. Before they knew what had hit them, they had been stripped down to their underwear. Their faces were beet red.

"There," Jakotsu smiled. "That's better." He slid the purple fur coat off to reveal a tight leather dominatrix outfit. "Everybody," he called out, "up to the lab!" He slithered into the elevator. Bankotsu and Kikyo pushed Miroku and Sango into the lift, got in themselves, and closed the doors.

"Now," says Sesshomaru, "Nobody in the history of man had ever done such a thing as physically create a person. Some would therefore praise the mad doctor Jakotsu for his work. Yet, is it really such a thing for man to do? Play the role of God?" He is sitting in front of a crackling fire in his giant armchair, plucking the strings of his brown cedar ukulele. "Jakotsu had made the jump," he continues, "from mortal to deity." He stops, leans forward, and adds, "Or had he really?"

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jakotsu said, pride beaming from his face. He was now wearing an old army nurses dress over his leather outfit. He snapped his pink latex gloves onto his hands. The whole lot of them, the guests, the servants, and Miroku and Sango, were all standing in front of Jakotsu, audience style. Jakotsu himself was standing in front of a giant box. "I thank you all for your support," he smiled, "And I am truly touched that you are all here to witness this most grand of events." He motioned for Bankotsu, Kikyo and Kagome to come to his side. They did. "It has been many a pain-staking year in the making," he continued. "But now, I humbly present to you the fruit of my labours." He nodded to Kikyo, who took her post at a control panel on the left wall. He nodded to Kagome, who took her post at a control panel on the right wall. He nodded to Bankotsu, who took his post in front of the giant box that held the creation. Jakotsu, Miroku, Sango, everybody else, looked on with anxiety. Jakotsu pointed to Kikyo, who began to fiddle with the knobs on her panel. The lights dimmed, and strange laboratory-like sounds pinged and buzzed in their ears. Jakotsu pointed to Kagome, who began to fiddle with the knobs on her panel. The lights dimmed lower, almost pitch black, and even stranger laboratory-like sounds fragged and zuzzed in their ears. "My dear honored guests," he said, "I present to you..." The lid of the giant box blew open. A hand emerged from within and grabbed a hold of the rim. Jakotsu joined Bankotsu at the giant box. They helped the creature out of it. "My chef-d'oeuvre, Inuyasha Horror!"

Inuyasha stood there, bewildered. He scanned the room, from face to face, eye to eye, nose to nose, lips to lips. The audience gasped at the sight of him, and then went wild with cheer and applause. The sounds frightened the creature, but only slightly.

"Thank you, thank you," Jakotsu laughed with pride. "You are all too kind." He turned to his creation. "Inuyasha, darling, how do you feel?"

He looked at his creator. This is what he said:

Inuyasha: _The heel of Achilles is spraining badly, ah jeez_

_And I've got a feeling someone's gonna be cutting the cheese_

_Oh, woe is me, my knife's in Missouri_

_Oh, can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer?_

_Sha-la-la-la there ain't no time_

_There ain't no time_

Jakotsu stared blankly at his creation. "Uh," he scratched his head, "right." He grabbed Inuyasha by the arm. "Anyways, my sweet creature, in just seven days," he smiled, "I'm gonna make you a man."

"Why seven?" Kagome asked.

Jakotsu frowned at the girl. "Because that is the number of days that I have chosen."

"But," she argued, "it doesn't really make any sense. I mean, seven days. A week. That's kind of a long time, don't you think?"

"I like taking my time."

"But you shouldn't waste it."

"I'm not going to waste it!"

"Oh." Kagome was silent. Jakotsu smiled and nodded frantically in victory. But his victory was short lived, for there erupted a strange banging sound from one of the walls.

"What was that banging, I hear you ask," Sesshomaru says. "But I am afraid that you will have to-"

"Telephone, m'lord," Jaken says, barging into the study, holding a telephone. "It's the cable repair guy. He says he can't come in tomorrow until four o'clock."

"Fine, fine," his master says, waving him off. He turns back to the fireplace. The log was sparkling with orange and red flames. "Now, where was I?"

"You were saying something about a banging," Jaken answers. "But, m'lord, I didn't hear anything."

"Ah, yes," Sesshomaru says with a smile. "The banging. But, just what could it have been? Tune in next time to find out."

Jaken stares at his master. "Who _are_ you talking to?" he demands. Sesshomaru just continues to watch the fire.


	4. Tooty Fruity

"I would like, ah, if I may," Sesshomaru says, "to take a slight detour in the story telling." He is sitting at a computer in his study, checking through all of his songs, trying to decide which ones to burn onto a compact disk. "There is a little bit of a back story to Jakotsu's creation." He clicks the songs he wishes and drags them into a play list. "You see," he continues, "a man without a brain is not much of a man. And so, this prompted Jakotsu to seek out one." He clicks a song called "Tooty Fruity" and it begins to play. It is a classic-sounding rock and roll tune. "And as luck would have it, one night a delivery boy came to the mansion by mistake." He stops the song and adds it to his play list. "This young man's brain, the mad doctor thought, would be perfect for his creation. So, he lured the poor unsuspecting delivery boy into his laboratory, and," he stops, clicks another song, and a loud static blares throughout the study. Sesshomaru throws his hands to his ears to block out the sound, and frantically tries to switch it off. He does. "Sorry about that," he says with a growl. He smiles. "Well, I suppose I should be getting on with the story. Enjoy."

A loud bang crashed throughout the lab. People murmured and glanced around nervously. There was a big red door on the left wall. Jakotsu walked over to it, as it was from that door that the sounds were coming. He placed his hands onto it and shouted, "Keep quiet in there, you uncontemptible blatheration." But the sounds kept coming. "Shit," he cursed under his breath. The door bashed forwards and fell on top of Jakotsu, and a motorcycle-riding rock'n'roller, clad in tight jeans, a leather jacket, and a blue-and-white spotted bandana, shot out from the room, which turned out to be a deep freeze.

"Koga!" Kagome gasped in shock, surprise and admiration. "So that's where you've been hiding all this time!" She ran over to him, hopped onto the back seat of his motorcycle and threw her arms around him.

"Sorry 'bout the wait, babe," he smiled a slick grin. He revved the engine of the motorbike and took off around the room, doing wheelies and doughnuts, and singing this tune:

Koga: _Whatever happened to the weekend's morn'_

_When you got up grogged and you felt worn?_

_It don't seem the same since fast-food drives._

_The morning breakfast I think I gotta revive._

Meanwhile, Jakotsu had struggled out from under the giant door. "That little bastard," he growled between gritted teeth. "Nobody does that to Doctor Jakotsu and gets away with it!"

But Koga and the other guests, including Miroku and Sango, were completely oblivious to Jakotsu. They had all been won over by the young punk and his motorcycling song.

Koga: _Tooty Fruity, bless my soul, I'd really love another bowl._

_Tooty Fruity, bless my soul, I'd really love another bowl._

Sango tugged at Miroku's arm. "This is quite a show, isn't it, darling?" she giggled.

"Yes," he said with a smile as his eyes followed the biker around the room. "It certainly is entertaining. But, we mustn't forget about our car that broke down."

"It didn't break down!" Sango exclaimed. "We got flat tires!"

"Right, right," Miroku said.

Koga continued to sing:

Koga: _My tongue used to dance to those sweet puffs I smelled_

_My hands kind of fumbled with the spoon in the milk_

_I'd taste the sugary cereal and that's when I'd melt_

_I'll whisper in your ear tonight, "it tasted like silk."_

Inuyasha's gaze was fixed on the rock'n'roll delivery boy. His eyes were sparkling with delight at the sight. Jakotsu wasted no time in noticed this. He became instantly infuriated. He searched the laboratory for something he could use to correct Koga's disturbance. He saw it. An axe hanging on the wall. He went for it.

Koga: _Tooty Fruity, bless my soul, I'd really love another bowl._

_Tooty Fruity, bless my soul, I'd really love another bowl._

One final wheelie and the bike came to a stop. The guests cheered. Kagome hugged him tightly again. Inuyasha wolf-whistled.

"Thank you, thank you," Koga said with a triumphant grin.

"Oh, Koga," Kagome said, her head resting on the nape of his neck. "I love you." He turned around and put his hand on her face. He kissed her and the guests cheered again.

"Bravo!" Miroku called.

"Encore!" Sango shouted.

"That will be quite enough!" Jakotsu yelled at the top of his lungs. The room went silent, save for his heavy and angry breathing. "How dare you," he said, pointing the axe at the young rocker. "How dare you interrupt my finest moment with that, that," he roared angrily, "with that noise!"

"Take a chill pill, man," Koga said as calm as ever. "I didn't mean to steal the spotlight from you. I just had to sing my song."

"Well, couldn't you have done it some other time?" Jakotsu tightened his grip on the axe.

"Sorry, man," Koga responded, still cool and calm.

"I'll show you sorry, man!" Jakotsu screamed as he rushed towards Koga and Kagome, who were both still on the bike. She leapt off and shouted at Jakotsu to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Koga jumped off the bike and began to run. Jakotsu ran after him. The Benny Hill chase music began to play. The two of them ran around the room in fast motion, while all the other guests, Sango and Miroku, and Inuyasha watched them in normal motion. Koga popped up from behind the giant box, then disappeared as soon as Jakotsu got there. He appeared from the deep freeze, and again was gone as soon as Jakotsu got there. Inside the giant box, behind random guests, down from the ceiling. The chase music was still playing, though nobody knew where it was coming from. Nobody really cared either. After several minutes of the chase, Jakotsu finally caught up with Koga.

"Now, wait just a minute, man!" Koga called out. He had been cornered into the deep freeze. He was on the ground, inching away from the insane axe-wielding scientist. Kagome called out again for Jakotsu to stop, but he didn't listen. He brought the axe down and embedded it into Koga's belly. He screamed in pain. Kagome rushed forwards to try to help, but Bankotsu and Kikyo held her back. "Wait, man!" Koga called out again. "Can't we just talk this out?" Jakotsu brought the axe up, then back down into the rocker's bloody gut. He screamed in pain again. "I said I was sorry, man!" Koga called out another time. "I'll never do it again! I promise!" Jakotsu brought the axe up, then back down into the rocker's stomach for a third time. And for a third time, he screamed in pain. "You're really making a mess of your lab, man." Koga pointed to the pool of his own blood that had stained the laboratory floor.

"Why the hell won't you die?" Jakotsu stammered.

Koga's face went stunned. "Uh," he said, scratching his head. He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe it's your axe?"

Jakotsu looked at the axe. He studied it, but deemed it capable of taking a life. He brought it down into the rocker's gut a fourth time. A fifth. A sixth. A seventh. Nothing. "Well, God damn," Jakotsu said with disappointment and intrigue. "Isn't that a hell of a thing?"

"Don't know what to tell you," Koga said with another shrug.

"Well," the mad scientist suggested, "How about I just drag you into the freezer?"

"Sure," Koga said with a smile. "That sounds like it would work."

"Okay!" Jakotsu threw the axe down to the ground, grabbed Koga by the scruff of his neck, dragged him into the freezer, came out, lifted the door back onto its hinges, closed it, sealed it, and dusted off his hands. "There," he said victoriously. "Now, where were w-"

"It's really cold in here!" Koga's voice exclaimed through the giant red door. Jakotsu walked over to the thermostat and turned the heat down to well below freezing. "Aw, man," Koga's voice said through the door with a shiver, "Now it's even colder!" Jakotsu turned the thermostat all the way down to its lowest setting. He waited. The audience waited. Miroku and Sango, who were holding each other's hands, waited. Kagome, who was still being held back by Bankotsu and Kikyo, waited.

Nothing.

Koga was dead.

"Right," Jakotsu said, clapping his hands. "Now that that's done." But he stopped. All the commotion had affected his creation. Inuyasha was sitting on the ground, shaking and hugging himself, his chin down to his chest. He ran to his side and put his hand on his shoulder. "I am so sorry," the scientist said soothingly, "that you had to see that, my dear. But it was a mercy killing."

"Oh," Inuyasha said with a happy smile. "Well, in that case." They stood up.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jakotsu called to the audience. "Can I host a party, or what?" They cheered and clapped and blew party favours and uncorked bottles of champagne. Miroku and Sango glanced wearily at each other. Kagome was in near tears. Bankotsu and Kikyo were both smiling wickedly.

"I bet your on the edge of your seat now," Sesshomaru says as the computer ejects his now finished cd. "But now we must end this chapter. But we will be back. Same splat time, same splat channel."

"Uh, m'lord," Jaken the toad says, standing at his master's side. "This is a story, not a television show."

Sesshomaru looks at his servant. He slaps him hard across the face. "What is this?"

"A television show," Jaken cries.

"Until next time," Sesshomaru says, putting the cd in his portable cd player.


	5. Chapter Five

In his study, Sesshomaru is standing at a desk that is cleared off to make room for a hot plate. On said hot plate, he is cooking bacon and eggs. He is wearing a pink frilly apron and bunny slippers. "Oh," he says as he flips the eggs over, "You've come back. I'm just in the middle of making breakfast, as you can see." He pokes at the bacon with a fork. It is sizzling quietly. "After Jakotsu finished," he clears his throat, "_correcting_ Koga, he sent his guests home. All but Miroku and Sango, whom he let stay the night. Separate rooms, of course. He did not want any hanky panky going on in his house, even though they were married." He laughs. "Well, it was really more like he didn't want any hanky panky if he wasn't involved with it." He takes the pan and slides the eggs off onto a plate. Then the bacon. "Now," he continues, "he was going to test Sango and Miroku's love for one another."

Sango was sitting up in her bed. The room was decorated in pink. Pink wallpaper, pink bed sheets, pink carpeting. Even the lamps glowed with a pink light. She was wondering why she could not spend the night in the same bed as her husband. They were both married, in love, so why did they have to be separated? "Oh," she said with a sigh, "Why, oh, why?"

There was a knock at the door. Her gaze bolted to the door. "Who is it?" she asked. "Who's there?"

"It's only me, Sango." It was Miroku.

"Oh, Miroku darling," Sango said with a sigh of relief. "Come in." He climbed onto the bed and threw his arms around his wife. He kissed her lips, then moved lower to her neck, then to her chest. "Oh, Miroku," Sango moaned with pleasure. He took her hands in his. She laid down, and he moved on top of her. "Oh, Miroku," she moaned again. "Yes, my darling." But she stopped. "But what if-"

"It's all right, Sango," Miroku said comfortingly. "Everything's going to be all right." He kissed her again.

"Oh," she said, allowing him to touch her, "I hope so, my darling." She ran her fingers through his hair. It came off. It was a wig. "Oh!" she gasped in surprise and disgust. "It's you!"

Jakotsu was laying on top of her. "I'm afraid so, Sango, but isn't it nice?" He leaned in to kiss her again, but she pushed him away.

"Oh," she shouted, "You beast! You monster! What have you done with Miroku?"

Jakotsu looked into her eyes. "Oh," he said, "Well, nothing." His eyes lit up, and he added, "Why, do you thing I should?"

"You tricked," she said. "I wouldn't have," she said. "I've never," she said.

Jakotsu was kissing her neck. "Yes, yes, I know," he said with a laugh. "But it isn't all bad, is it?" He moved into her a little more. "I think," he said, "you really found it quite," he grabbed her by the ankles, and lifted her legs into the air, "pleasurable," he finished.

"Oh," Sango moaned again with pleasure, "stop it." She did not sound sincere. But Miroku flashed back into her mind. "I mean, help! Miroku!"

"Shh," Jakotsu hissed. "Miroku's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like this?" He was laying on top of her. Their lips pressed tightly together. "I promise I won't tell him. Cross my heart and hope to die." He took her.

Sesshomaru is sitting in his chair, snoozing. His eyes open slightly, then close. He bolts wide awake. "Oh!" he exclaims. "I do apologize. I didn't see you there." He smiles. "Well, well, well," he says, "Isn't this an interesting turn out? Sango has just given herself to the scientist. What will Miroku think when he finds out? Let's continue."

Miroku was sitting up in his bed. The room was decorated in blue. Blue wallpaper, blue bed sheets, blue carpeting. Even the lamps glowed with a blue light. He was wondering why he could not spend the night in the same bed as his wife. They were both married, in love, so why did they have to be separated? "Oh," he said with a sigh, "Why, oh, why?"

There was a knock at the door. His gaze bolted to the door. "Who is it?" he asked. "Who's there?"

"It's only me, Miroku." It was Sango.

"Oh, Sango darling," Miroku said with a sigh of relief. "Come in." She climbed onto the bed and threw her arms around her husband. She kissed his lips, then moved lower to his neck, then to his chest. "Oh, Sango," Miroku moaned with pleasure. She took his hands in hers. He laid down, and she moved on top of him. "Oh, Sango," he moaned again. "Yes, my darling." But he stopped. "But what if-"

"It's all right, Miroku," Sango said comfortingly. "Everything's going to be all right." She kissed him again.

"Oh," he said, allowing her to touch him, "I hope so, my darling." He ran his fingers through her hair. It came off. It was a wig. "Oh!" he gasped in surprise and disgust. "It's you!"

Jakotsu was laying on top of him. "I'm afraid so, Miroku, but isn't it nice?" He leaned in to kiss him again, but he pushed him away.

"Oh," he shouted, "You beast! You monster! What have you done with Sango?"

Jakotsu looked into his eyes. "Oh," he said, "Well, nothing." His eyes lit up, and he added, "Why, do you thing I should?"

"You tricked," he said. "I wouldn't have," he said. "I've never," he said.

Jakotsu was kissing his neck. "Yes, yes, I know," he said with a laugh. "But it isn't all bad, is it?" He moved into him a little more. "I think," he said, "you really found it quite," he grabbed him by the ankles, and lifted his legs into the air, "pleasurable," he finished.

"Oh," Miroku moaned again with pleasure, "stop it." He did not sound sincere. But Sango flashed back into his mind. "I mean, help! Sango!"

"Shh," Jakotsu hissed. "Sango's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like this?" He was laying on top of him. Their lips pressed tightly together. "I promise I won't tell her. Cross my heart and hope to die." He took him.

"Betcha didn't see that one coming," Sesshomaru says with a straight face. "What a world of trouble the young couple was in now. Both had been unfaithful to one another. But things had only just begun for them." He eats his bacon and eggs, which are now cold.


	6. Chapter Six

"The night's festivities," Sesshomaru says as he examines the large emerald in his hand, "had left Sango feeling rather ashamed of herself." He is appraising all the local jewelry shop's merchandise in his study. "She could not sleep, and so she decided to go for a walk about the mansion. Surely, Doctor Jakotsu would not mind." He puts the emerald down and picks up a large ruby. "After a night of three times, the first being with his creation, the mad doctor decided it best to wash himself clean of the filth he had created, and so he spent the rest of the night in the shower. And you know what they say," he puts down the large ruby and takes a large sapphire. "When the master's away, the servants will play."

Kikyo and Bankotsu watched Inuyasha while he slept. He was sleeping in Jakotsu's bed, a rather elegant sleepery of which one would find in the chambers of a princess. The bed posts all went straight up to the ceiling, and all slightly resembled phallic-like shapes. A light purple, almost lavender sheet was draped down the back, left and right sides of the bed. The beddings themselves were all silk sheets the same colour as the one that was draped. Inuyasha was sleeping on his side, no sheets were on him. His hand was placed slightly away from his face, flat down on the pillow's surface. He was snoring peacefully.

"Look at him," Bankotsu scoffed. "He's not even a real man anymore."

"Dear Bankotsu," Kikyo said emotionlessly, "You are the only true man that has ever been in this mansion." This brought a smile to his face. He looked over at Kikyo with a sly expression. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Let us have," he said coldly, "a little fun at the master's creation's expense." He walked over to the corner of the room. A golden candle-holder with five lit candles still in it. He lifted it up and walked back to the bed.

"What are you going to do with that?" Kikyo asked, cocking an eyebrow. Bankotsu placed a finger to his lips, telling her to keep silent. He walked over to the side of the bed and lifted the silk sheet. He brought the candles over the bed. Kikyo was fixed on what he was doing. She almost started to laugh. Almost.

Bankotsu let some of the hot wax drip onto Inuyasha's bare skin. He jumped up with a scream of pain and shrank away from his tormenters, who burst out in gales of laughter. Bankotsu then began to shove the candles towards Inuyasha, each time making him cower. He slowly moved away from Bankotsu, who was slowly moving towards him. He was not paying attention, and didn't realize there was not more bed for him to be on. He came crashing to the ground, pain shooting itself through his body. More laughter from his tormenters. He hugged the side of the bed and began to cry.

Bankotsu returned the candle-holder to its rightful place. "Come on," he said to Kikyo. "This isn't fun anymore." He put his hand around the back of her waist and brought her body into his. He kissed her violently on the lips, then released her. They left. Inuyasha was still crying.

Sesshomaru is sitting in his armchair, watching the fire. "I don't actually have anything to say at this time," he says. "I'm just here to make the switch between scenes go a little more smoothly."

Sango had made her way into the laboratory. Bankotsu, Kikyo and Kagome were not in sight. She walked around the room and wondered what exactly was going on in that mansion that night. She noticed on the right wall a bunch of monitors that were monitoring the rooms of the whole mansion. She looked into each one, and was horrified to see Miroku, her loving husband, in bed with Jakotsu. She stared at the screen in disbelief. She even looked away and rubbed her eyes in hopes they were playing tricks on her. They weren't.

"Well," she heard Jakotsu say on the monitor, "I'm off to have a nice relaxing shower. Good night, you delicious stud."

She growled in fury. Her fury then turned to hurt and betrayal, and she began to cry. But, she was not crying. Then, who was? She walked over to the giant box, the one that thing had come out from. That creation that scientist had made. She climbed up and peered into it. Inuyasha, scarred and covered in dirt, was sitting in the corner, bunched up into a ball, sobbing. She felt sorry for him. "Hey," she said gently. Inuyasha jumped and looked up at her. He started to back away, but she told him she wouldn't hurt him. He helped her climb in. "Why are you crying?" she asked, sitting down beside him.

He sniffed. He didn't want to answer.

"It's okay," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. It felt nice. For both of them. "You can tell me."

He sniffed again, put his hand on hers. "Bankotsu and Kikyo," he said in a whisper.

"They did this to you?" Sango exclaimed in shock and hurt. He nodded. "Oh," she said, rubbing his arm with her other hand, "you poor thing." She reached around behind her and pulled out a first aid kit. She opened it and pulled out some gauze and began to dress his wounds.

He did not understand. The way she was touching him was not like how Jakotsu had touched him. Her hands were soft and gentle. They were loving. He looked into her eyes, the two of them locked their gaze. He leaned forward and kissed her. He pulled back quickly and turned away from her. "I'm sorry," he said, "I should have asked first."

Sango put her hand up to her face and blushed. "Oh," she said with a little giggle, "That's okay. You're a pretty good kisser, actually." Inuyasha turned around slowly. That look in his eyes, Sango thought to herself, it's different than before. It was as if he had transformed from a thing created by a lunatic to a warm, loving being that needed to be held as much as any other being. She did not know what came over her. Before she even knew what she was doing, she had jumped on him, and was kissing him. They fell over, Inuyasha on his back, she on top of him. The looked into each other's eyes and began to make love.

Meanwhile, in their bedroom, Kikyo and Kagome were watching them on monitors similar to the ones in the lab. "Look at that filth," Kikyo said with a laugh.

"I think it's sweet," Kagome said with an innocent smile, a little red in her cheeks.

"It's animal lust," the master's maid pointed out. "They don't love each other. They don't even know each other. And he's practically just a child. That makes her a pedophile, dear Kagome."

"He certainly doesn't look like a child, if you know what I mean," Kagome laughed. She fanned herself with her hands.

"Touché," Kikyo smiled. They continued to watch the two hurt people making each other feel better, completely oblivious to the fact that there was another guest approaching the mansion. Doctor Suikotsu.

"That's right!" Sesshomaru exclaims from under the desk. A few papers have fallen down behind it, and he is trying to fish them out. "Doctor Suikotsu, the rival scientist, has arrived at last! Let the exciting climax of our story begin!" He pops up from under the desk. He is covered in dust and dirt. "In the next chapter, of course." He goes back down and rummages some more, bumping his head on the underside of the desk.


	7. Wise up, Miss Sango

In his study, Sesshomaru is sitting in his armchair, reading a book. He puts it down on the coffee table beside his chair. "Yeah," he says without enthusiasm, "I'm starting to get kinda fed up with having to start and end every single chapter, so I'm just gonna stop doing that. I'll see you at the end of the story when I wrap everything up. Enjoy the rest of the tale. Good night." He picks up his book again.

Doctor Suikotsu was standing at the front door. Jakotsu was watching him on the monitors in the lab. Sango and Inuyasha were hidden inside the giant box. Bankotsu and Kikyo were by their master's side. Kagome had been sent to gather the newly-weds. "Look at him," Jakotsu hissed, "just standing there, thinking he's all that and a packet of crisps." He laughed evilly. "Let's let him in, shall we?" Bankotsu nodded and pulled a lever on the control panel on the wall. A magnet. Doctor Suikotsu had metal fillings in his teeth.

Suikotsu was pulled through the front door, through the hallways, up the elevator, and flew right into the middle of the lab, then shot right towards the magnet. Bankotsu deactivated it. Jakotsu walked over to the rival doctor. "And," he growled angrily, "what are you doing here, my good sir?"

"I've come here," he responded as Kagome led Miroku into the room via the elevator, "to speak with you, Doctor Jakotsu." He smiled and got to his feet.

"Really?" Jakotsu inquired. He was about to say more, but a sound emanated from the giant box. Everybody walked over to it and peered in.

"Inuyasha!" Jakotsu gasped.

"Sango!" Miroku gasped.

"Miroku!" Sango gasped.

"Inuyasha!" Bankotsu gasped.

"Sango!" Kikyo gasped.

"Inuyasha!" Jakotsu gasped.

"Sango!" Kagome gasped.

"Miroku!" Suikotsu gasped.

"Doctor Suikotsu!" Miroku gasped.

"Inuyasha!" Jakotsu gasped.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha gasped.

"Jakotsu!" Kikyo gasped.

"Inuyasha!" Sango gasped.

"Okay, okay, hold it, hold it," Bankotsu said. "This could go on forev-"

"Kikyo!" Kagome gasped.

"Miroku!" Jakotsu gasped.

"Sango!" Suikotsu gasped.

"Doctor Suikotsu!" Sango gasped.

Bankotsu sighed and walked away.

"Inuyasha!" Jakotsu gasped. "What are you doing in here with this," he paused and stopped. Smiled. "My mother told me if I can't say anything nice, I shouldn't say anything at all."

Sango scoffed. "Yeah right," she said between gritted teeth, her arms folded over her chest. "And by the way, _he_ was much more satisfying than you were."

"Oh," Kikyo said with a smile. "Burn."

Jakotsu stamped his foot on the ground angrily. "Wise up, Miss Sango," he stammered.

Jakotsu: _You think you're all that in Japan, though,_

_You'd better wise up, Miss Sango._

_Your doughnut can in a pan go._

_You'd better wise up, Miss Sango._

He dashed over to the control panel and began to fiddle with the knobs.

Jakotsu: _I've done my deed; it should befall indeed_

_Your, ah, sensual lust and your greed._

_Wound up like a baseball pitch, an itch._

_When we made it, your hubby was my bitch!_

Miroku, Sango, Inuyasha and Doctor Suikotsu all found themselves completely paralyzed. Kikyo and Bankotsu pointed and laughed. Kagome wanted to help them escape, but she was afraid of what Jakotsu might do to her. "And now," said the mad scientist, "Won't you kindly join me for dinner?" He clapped his hands. "Bankotsu, Kikyo, Kagome. Prepare a meal for my guests and I."

"Me and my guests," Bankotsu corrected. His face met with the back of Jakotsu's palm. The sound of the slap made Kagome jump. "Right away, sir," Bankotsu said, rubbing his aching cheek. "Dinner."

They were seated at the table. It was long, stretching the length of nearly the entire room, which was pitch black, save for the small light from the candles on the table's clothed surface. Jakotsu sat at the far end. Bankotsu and Kikyo stood behind him. Doctor Suikotsu sat at the opposite end. Miroku and Sango sat beside each other to the left of Suikotsu, and Kagome and Inuyasha sat to the right. Bankotsu and Kikyo walked around the table and poured everybody a glass of red wine. When they were finished, Jakotsu picked up his own and raised it. "A toast," he said, "To absent friends."

"To absent friends," his guests said in unison. They drank the wine. It tasted like iron. Like blood.

"Koga," Suikotsu said out of the blue, "He was a disciple of mine. A student. He wasn't really much of a hard worker, though. He liked to slack off and have fun, like all teenagers do." As he talked, Bankotsu and Kikyo went around the table, placing slices of a strange smelling meat on everybody's plate. "He had spirit, though, I'll give him that much," Suikotsu continued. "The soul of a rocker."

"Indeed," Jakotsu said flatly. "Yes, the half of his brain that I used for Inuyasha seems to have made _him_ somewhat of a free spirit also." He shot his creation a cold look. Inuyasha glanced down hurt at his food and remained silent.

"I loved him," Kagome said. Everybody turned to her. "He was the only man I ever really loved. And now," she began to sob, "And now he's," but she couldn't finish.

"Yes," Jakotsu said with false concern. "This is a rather touchy subject, isn't it. Please, allow me to put your minds at ease." He rose to his feet and grabbed the edge of the cloth. He pulled it away from the table, and to everyone's horror, Koga's frozen body was underneath. They all gasped in shock and terror, rose from their chairs, spat out their food, gagged and chocked. Jakotsu just smiled. "Yes," he said, "I hope you liked my dinner. A specialty, you know. Koga _à la carte_." He laughed maniacally. Then he nodded to Bankotsu and Kikyo, who were holding Star Trek style ray guns. They fired.

Miroku, Sango, Kagome, Suikotsu and Inuyasha had all been turned to stone.

"Prepare them," Jakotsu ordered, "for the Floor Show."

"At once, my master," Bankotsu and Kikyo said in unison.


	8. The Floor Show

The auditorium was empty. Rows and rows of red velvet seats, all folded up. The floor was clean. Five statues were on the stage. From left to right, facing it, was Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango and Suikotsu, all still frozen in stone. They had all been dressed in cabaret outfits. Their faces had all been painted white, with red lipstick and blue eye shadow. The curtain was drawn up. At the back of the stage was a replica of the CN Tower. A pool in front of it. The Floor Show was about to begin. Backstage, Jakotsu flipped the switch to turn his prisoners back to their former selves. The show started with Kagome springing back to life. She sang:

Kagome: _Mama didn't really give a care._

_It was as if she were unaware_

_That I went to that place over there,_

_To start a-shavin' the people's hair._

_A bint's my world,_

_And keeps me safe from the trouble and pain._

She danced to the music, swinging her long pink boa around in the air, doing high kicks and shaking her money maker. Jakotsu laughed with delight and threw the switch again. Inuyasha was returned to his organic self. This is what he sang:

Inuyasha: _Well, I've just watched the local news._

_Some old couple's been abused._

_And somebody's drunk some booze._

_They had forgotten to tie their shoes._

_A bint's my world,_

_And keeps me safe from the trouble and pain._

He danced similarly to Kagome, a purple boa swung in the air, high kicks, strutting around the stage in a very sexually suggestive manner. Jakotsu clapped and cheered. Threw the switch again. Miroku's turn:

Miroku: _It's beyond me,_

_Why can't she see?_

_That's because she has_

_Been to the buffet._

_What's this?_

_Let's see._

_I feel funky._

_What's come over me?_

_Oh, here it comes again!_

He began to disco dance. Pointing his finger high in the air, shaking it like he just didn't care. A mirror ball dropped down from the ceiling and sparkled the auditorium. Jakotsu whistled, threw the switch one final time, bringing both Sango and Suikotsu back, and then dashed to the CN Tower to prepare for his part in the show.

Sango's solo:

Sango: _I feel dismayed,_

_My husband is gay._

_In confidence disarray._

_Reality is queer._

_It's a gas Jakotsu's started,_

_But it's time we departed._

_This tale'll be Kmart-ed!_

_And lust's so insincere._

The four performers cleared the stage. Jakotsu walked out on the diving board that came from the giant CN Tower replica. His eyes were completely glazed over. Though the auditorium was completely devoid of any audience, Jakotsu could see a full house. People dressed smartly in gowns and tuxedoes, clapping, cheering him on. His heart was high. He smiled, blew kisses, and sang:

Jakotsu: _Give yourself over to absolute treasure._

_Swim luke-warm waters of fins and of fresh,_

_Delicious seafood beyond any measure._

_Unusual extremes of leisure forever._

_Can't you just see it?_

He jumped off the diving board and into the pool. He landed in a pink life-preserver with the words "Ferry Queen" written on it. Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha all stood at each corner of the pool and slowly waded in. The Floor Show was coming to a climactic end, with all five of them singing, "Don't seem it, scream it."

Doctor Suikotsu was still backstage. He was watching, listening to the farce that was going on. "We have to get out of here," he said to himself. "We will all be in great danger if we remain here any longer." He called out to the performers, but they were so lost in their song that they didn't hear him. The music was getting to him. "I have to fight it," he struggled. "I have to remain sane." But it was too late. He looked down and saw that he was dressed in French cabaret clothing, and he was already making his way to the pool. He joined in singing, "Don't seem it, scream it."

The song finally ended. The audience cheered for Jakotsu, for the performance of their lives. Inuyasha and Miroku on either side of him walked him out of the pool and onto center stage. Sango, Kagome and Suikotsu joined them. Jakotsu was in a daze. Never had one of his performances gone so well. They were standing, clapping, cheering. He was a hit. "Thank you," he said to his imaginary audience. "Thank you all so much!"

The auditorium door blew open. Jakotsu's prisoners were all snapped back into reality.

"What," Jakotsu stuttered, "What is the meaning of this intrusion?"

Bankotsu and Kikyo were standing at the door. "We've gotten sick and tired," Kikyo explained, "of your ridiculously appalling behaviour."

"And," Bankotsu added, "we're here to put a stop to it, once and for all."

"What are you talking about?" Jakotsu asked. Confused. He felt his heart began to sink. The audience members were no longer there.

His handyman held up a ray guy. "I'm really sorry about this, Master," he said with a smile. He scoffed. "Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not sorry. Not sorry one bit." He laughed wickedly. A scream. Kagome. A flash from Bankotsu's ray gun. Kagome lay dead on the floor. "Anybody else wanna test my reflexes?" They stood still. "Good," he said with an evil smile. "Dear Kikyo, restrain our former master." Kikyo nodded and made her way to the stage.

"Now, wait just a minute here!" Jakotsu protested. "We can work this out, can't we? What do you want? Money? Fame? I can get it for you! I can get anything for you!"

"We don't want anything," Kikyo started, continuing to the stage.

"Except for you to die," Bankotsu finished, his ray gun still pointed at the stage.

Jakotsu took a step back, then ran for the giant CN Tower statue. He frantically climbed it, trying desperately to get away from his tormentors. Kikyo pointed and laughed. Sango and the others watched, not exactly sure what to do. Help, or stay back? Jakotsu reached the top of the tower. "You can't do this," he shouted to Bankotsu and Kikyo. "I won't let you do this!"

"We can most certainly do this," Kikyo shouted out to him. She turned to Bankotsu. "Dear Bankotsu," she ordered. "Kill him."

He aimed his ray gun at Jakotsu, who screamed, "No!" But it was too late. His body fell from the tower and landed in the pool.

"Jakotsu!" Miroku gasped in fear and sorrow. He ran to the pool.

"Miroku?" Sango asked in shock. She was very nearly paralyzed.

Miroku sloshed wildly into the pool, swam to Jakotsu's body and held it. He began to cry. "Jakotsu," he sobbed.

"Miroku!" Sango exclaimed. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Get back here!"

"No!" her husband yelled at her. "You're always telling me what to do! You never let me do what I wanna do!" He hugged Jakotsu's body tighter. "He let me do what I wanted," he said. "He was more of a wife than you could ever be!"

Sango put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Oh," she said angrily, "Is that so? Well," she pointed to Inuyasha, "He was way more satisfying than any fag I've ever slept with. And apparently it's been more than one!"

"Slut!" Miroku yelled at his wife.

"Queer!" Sango yelled at her husband.

"Bitch!"

"Pillow biter!"

"That will do, people," Bankotsu said flatly.

"Whore!" Miroku called out to his wife.

Bankotsu fired his ray gun. Miroku was dead.

Silence filled the auditorium.

"Does anybody else have anything left to say?" Kikyo asked. A cricket chirped. Bankotsu blasted it with the ray gun. "Good. Now, if you don't mind," she continued, "Bankotsu and I shall say faretheewell. We've done what we came to do." She turned around and walked to Bankotsu's side. They began to walk away, when Sango called out to them.

"Wait," she said. They listened. "What happens now? What happens to me? To us?" She pointed to Inuyasha and Suikotsu.

"How the hell should we know?" Kikyo said emotionlessly. "You are not our concern." She and Bankotsu headed for the door.

"Wait!" Sango called out again. But they did not stop this time. They were gone. She began to cry, and sought shelter in Inuyasha's arms. "What happens now?" she asked him. He rubbed her back gently. He said he didn't know.

"And crawling on the planet's face," Sesshomaru says, "some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space. And meaning." He has just finished cleaning his study, putting all his books in their proper spots, sorting through all his nick-knacks. His ukulele is stored on the shelf. The hot plate is turned off and put away, the pan and dishes soaking in the sink. His cd player sitting on the big armchair by the fireplace. The jewelry back in its bag to be sent back to the store. "And," Sesshomaru says as he sweeps the dust from the floor with a broom, "there you have it. That is our story." He finishes, puts the broom to one side, and walks to his chair. He picks up his cd player and puts it on the table beside the chair and sits down. A hard day's work completed. He sighs. "And what," he says, "became of Sango, Inuyasha and Doctor Suikotsu?" He chuckles. "Nobody really knows. Some say Sango and Inuyasha got married and lived happily ever after. Others say they went their separate ways. I shall leave the ending of the story up to you, the reader."

"Uh," Jaken says, standing at the threshold of the study. "I've really become worried about you, m'lord." He clears his throat. "You see, you've been talking to yourself a lot lately, and well," he motions into the hallway for somebody. "I've brought this man and his assistant in. They can help you, m'lord."

Sesshomaru gasps.

"Hello, Sesshomaru," Bankotsu says.

"How are you this evening?" Kikyo inquires.

"Do whatever you can," Jaken instructs. "Shock Treatment. Whatever. Just make him better." He leaves.

"Jaken," Sesshomaru calls out weakly to his servant.

"Now," Bankotsu says with a sadistic grin, holding up a needle, "Just relax. We're here to help you."

Kikyo laughs.

THE END!


End file.
